"Holy Shit! Jonah, I just hit a huge pothole!"
And then I hear the noise...the familiar "hey jackass, you have a flat" noise.
F.
I hang up the phone, pull to the side of the road, put on my flashers, and get out. Yup, big ol' flat tire. Hooray. I proceed to walk to the trunk to A) see if I even have a spare tire and a jack and B) attempt to change a flat by myself...at 10:15 in the freezing cold. I open the trunk, and to my amazement, I have both a spare and a jack. Good news. Bad news; my car has a problem with its seals, and sometimes leaks water when there is a big rain/snow. Apparently this problem spread to the trunk as well...my spare was FROZEN in a huge pool of ice. It looked like a donut floating in a frozen lake. Fabulous.
I'm frustrated and pissed now. I soon realize I left my AAA card at home. Yeah, great place for it. So I call my dad, tell him I need the AAA phone # and account info. I call AAA, explain my predicament, and tell them I need a tow. The problem is, I have zero sense of direction, and I just happen to be stranded on this one mile stretch of nothing but forest preserve. AND...apparently I thought this road ran N/S, when it fact, it ran E/W. I'm bad, I know. So I manage to tell the AAA girl the last major intersection I was at, and she translated this to the tow truck driver...assuring me he'd be there within 45 mins. As luck would have it, the driver called me about 5 mins later, asking where I was.
"I'm heading southbound on Devon." Me
"You can't be sweetheart, Devon runs east west." Bill
"Just come find me. I'm the stranded black Dodge Neon." Kelly
As I waited, another car hit the same pothole and got a flat. I watched in amazement as they pulled over, obviously DIDN'T have a FROZEN SPARE, and changed their tire in a matter of minutes.
About 10 minutes had passed when the truck arrived. I got out of the car, gave Bill (short for Hillbilly, I'm convinced) the keys, and waited in the tow truck while he loaded up my car. I waited patiently, examining the inner workings of a tow truck, and found humor in the I-Pass he had clinging to the windshield. Somebody had actually taken a Sharpie and wrote the words "Keep in Truck" on the I-Pass.
Brilliant.
A minute later, Hillbilly hops in the truck, we pull this HUGE U-turn across Devon (this is a major city street, for those of you unfamiliar with Chicago) I scream, and grab onto the oh shit handle...to which Hillbilly replies: "Don't worry sweetheart, I've been driving this truck for 33 years!" Thanks Hillbilly, I feel better knowing that.
We finally arrive at this 24 hour garage, in hopes they can fix my tire, and I can be on my merry little way. No such luck. I bent the rim and tore the HELL out of my tire. I told the man helping me that I had a spare in the trunk...but I needed help getting it out. So did he. This man took a crow bar to the tire, trying to get it out, and had no luck. Hulk Hogan himself would have found it a challenge.
I agree to purchase a used tire, and wait with the rest of Chicago's weirdo's and unmentionables while Jose put my new tire on. Not the best place for geeky white girl from the suburbs to be standing at midnight...backpack on back and all.
I pay my bill and finally leave about 11:45pm. Of course, I'm in the same predicament, and have no idea where I am. I start driving the way Hillbilly told me to...and start looking at signs. I was convinced I was going the wrong way. So I turned around. And hit a dead end. So I turned around again...and kept driving and driving. Thankfully I started seeing street signs I was familiar with. Jonah is on the phone with me the whole time, insisting that he talk to me until he knew I was home safe. I eventually make it back to the expressway...to which Jonah just had to throw in his sarcastic comment:
"Now Kelly. You want to take 294 South...if you take 294 North, that will take you into Wisconsin, the land of cheese and cows." A-hole.
I finally made it home around 1am.
Anybody looking to buy a slightly used 2001 Dodge Neon? =)
No comments:
Post a Comment