An Update

It's over.

She's gone.

It wasn't as bad as I assumed...but it was still probably the shittiest thing I've ever had to witness. I got home about 1:30pm, and immediately lied down next to her on the dining room floor, balling my eyes out. I kept apologizing to her, telling her how much I was going to miss her.

I think she understood.

The two of us proceeded to the back patio where I sat on a cold chair, simply watching her. I sat there for 2 hours, talking to her...petting her...telling her how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss her. Angie arrived a few minutes before the vet, and the two of us sat on the ground holding her, crying.

Scruffy decided to sit up and give me a bunch of kisses. I needed that more than you could ever imagine.

The vet arrived shortly there after, at which I started crying hysterically. It was all too real. I had to sign some paperwork, and then say my last goodbyes. Oh my god, I'm sitting here balling my eyes out as I type this. I said goodbye, took off her collar, and helped hold her while the vet administered the first shot. This one helped put her to sleep; it took about 5 minutes. She started to get woozy and swayed all around. I guided her to the ground and held her. After she was asleep, the vet shaved a portion of her front leg, and prepared to administer the second shot; the one that would stop her heart, and ultimately end her life. I had to walk away.

Angie and I stood a few feet from them, while the drugs were administered. I heard nothing, which was a relief. I couldn't watch. Angie told me she was peaceful, very peaceful. Another 2 minutes passed, and it was all over. I walked back over to her to pet her and say my final goodbyes. She simply looked like she was sleeping. Calm, and without pain.

The vet and her husband put Scruffy's body on a stretcher, covered her with a dark green blanket, and took her away.

I can't believe she's actually gone. It hasn't hit me yet. I just came home a few minutes ago, looking for her, without thinking...

I emptied her food bowl, and keep looking around, expecting her to come plopping down the stairs any moment now.

But she won't.

She's really and truly gone.

I miss her like hell, already.